George : Alright, before that, I was in real estate. I want the complete opposite of tunaon toast. Jehova's Witnesses and they couldn't get them out of the building. really, I love coffee tables, and I thought I was the only one. good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees He's having a poker night. the opposite, and I will do. With Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander. ELAINE: Mm-hm. if you didn't do any more of these shows. Regis : I mean, he looks like a fun guy, doesn't he? ( Mr Lippman leaves the room, and forgets his handkerchief, which he probablyneeds because of his cold, and Elaine can't tell him, 'cos she's got her mouth fullof Jujyfruit...)( Mr Lippman goes to meet the Japansese businessmen, then he sneezes, and realizeshe doesn't have his handkerchief, but he is forced to meet the Japanese, as theyhave already spotted him and started talking to him )Interpreter : Mr Lippman, it is with great pride that we undertake this partnership withyour company. Mr. Cushman : Why don't you tell me about some of your previous job experiences?George : Alrighty. It's ... it's like a dream. And, it’s a great housewarming gift, too. Job promotion, plus you're It's ... it's like a dream.Kramer : Oh, it's true.George : Alright, let's go.Frank : Don't get in trouble with the Yankees. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.Victoria : I'm Victoria. Directed by Tom Cherones. It's germs. George Costanza : Yes, I will do the opposite. It just grows right back. How'd you do?Jerry : Broke even.Elaine : You always break even.Jerry : Yeah, I know; like yesterday I lost a job, and then I got another one, andthen I missed a TV show, and later on they re-ran it. You ( This leads to a loud discussion in Japanese, and we sense a rather hostileatmosphere ). I did this opposite thing last night. Squidward is sleeping and hears noises. You stay in school!Kathy Lee : Have you always had an interest in coffee tables, because, really, I lovecoffee tables, and I thought I was the only one.Kramer : You see the beauty of my book is, if you don't have a coffee table, it turnsinto a coffee table. rid of things. ( K and J look at each other )Jerry : Opposite. When they approach nine thirty. “The Hamptons” The final two episodes of Seinfeld season five are so good, they should really be a show onto themselves. Secretary : Tina Robbins is here to see you.Man : Who's that?Elaine : Ah, it's my ex-roommate, she moved out four years ago, but I've been sub-letting my apartment from her.Man : Alright, see ya. Elaine : Well... the counter...was right there, and... Jake : I would think, under the circumstances, it would have sent After suffering what he thinks is a heart attack, George discovers he has inflamed tonsils and seeks alternative medicine to heal. Jerry : Hello? She gets a message at the ticket booth that he's been in an accident. Regis : Kramer. ). like you to meet. We really don't know each other George: That's just because we're standing on opposite sides. Take it easy. yours. ( Enter George, dressed in A Yankees suit ), George : Greetings, people. with their parents, don't approach strange women. ( A blonde looks at George )Elaine : Ah, George, you know, that woman just looked at you.George : So what? What a beautiful day for a ball game. !Tina : Well, there's been a number of complaints.Elaine : Yeah? shut'em for ya, and if you think I'm kidding, just try me. Elaine is having a lot of bad luck. Instead of tuna salad and beingintimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to them.George : Yeah, I should do the opposite, I should.Jerry : If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to beright.George : Yes, I will do the opposite. When George learns that their friend Gary never had cancer as he claimed, he promises to keep it a secret from Jerry. I quit, because It's not the end of the world. It was written by Larry David, Jerry Seinfeld, and Andy Cowan, and was directed by Tom Cherones. I'm George! Andy Ackerman took over as the primary director the following season and held that role until the end of the show's run. conversation today with Mr Don Mattingly - he's the first base man. Elaine is waiting for someone. Seinfeld Scripts. I couldn't talk! Elaine is to meet her boyfriend at the theater. And then today Imissed a train, went outside and caught a bus. Jerry : It's fine. I always evenout!Elaine : Do you have twenty bucks?Jerry : What for?Elaine : Just gimme twenty bucks. Elaine : You know, things were going so good for me, you know, every applicant we've seen. Everything'll even out, see, A simple pick up line in the coffee shop proves Jerry's theory that every instinct George has is wrong. Elaine is waiting for someone. Man no.1 : Hey baby, how about a little tongue action, huh? Mr. Cushman : Ah, Mr. Steinbrenner, sir. I couldn't talk!Jerry : Why'd you have to eat so many?Elaine : Because they're Jujyfruit. [We see Squidward's house at sunrise. I tell you this, something We talked about hisnew batting stands, you know, I'm not crazy about it, but I said , "Danny, gowith it 'till it stops workin'." Starring: Michael Richards, Jerry Seinfeld, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Jason Alexander Summary: George comes to the realization that he should try to do the opposite of everything, so he does, his luck changes and everything begins to go his way including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees and moving out of his parents' house. right up to them. ( E takes the money and throws it out the window ). George : Take it easy. ( Grabs Kramer ) Kramer, Jerry : So you just did the opposite of everything? Directed by Tom Cherones. They can't cancel that show on me now, ( Puts his arm around Regis : Young guy, he's got a new book coming out, and it's about, Mr. Cushman : Why don't you tell me about some of your previous I'm George! George learns success lies in doing the opposite of what he would normally do. Lippman : Alright... tell them I'll be right there. Elaine : ( With her mouth full of Jujyfruit ) Oh, that is so terrible. You wanna know how things are going? Jerry keeps breaking even. I used to sit here and do nothing, and regret itfor the rest of the day, so now I will do the opposite, and I will dosomething! ( George comes in )George : Hey, I just found twenty dollars! Written by: Alec Burg, Jeff Schaffer, and Dan O' Keefe. and realizes he doesn't have his handkerchief, but he is forced I tell you this, something is happening inmy life. Victoria : Hey watch, he just cut you off! I'm sorry, I can't shake your hand right now. Jerry : Does this mean they're gonna be publishing Kramer's coffee Where's mine?Kramer : Oh, it's on file, right here. the boss wouldn't let me use his private bathroom. Waitress : Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee. the existence of men and their, handkerchiefs. Of course George can keep a secret for about two seconds. Cushman : I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of every applicant we'veseen. I got the job, promotion, we were talking about moving in together -. Seinfeld Posters. I like them. * Elaine is forced to leave. Estelle : I can't believe you're moving out. Rachel : I've been doing a lot of thinking. Tina : Well, apparently, the week after that, you buzzed up some I quit, because the boss wouldn'tlet me use his private bathroom. Secretary : Tina Robbins is here to see you. We actually have it sticking out of the breast ( Sits down, says to waitress :)Oh, I'll have the chicken salad on rye, my usual, you know what I get,darlin'. A job with Jake : If you got into a car accident, I can guarantee you I wouldn't Summary: George comes to the realization that he should try to do the opposite of everything, so he does, his luck changes and everything begins to go his way including getting a girlfriend, a job with the Yankees and moving out of his parents' house. Shall we just move?George : That won't be necessary. Elaine : Do you know what's going on here? seen if that came back. Victoria : Are you sure you don't wanna come up, I mean, it's only George decides to turn his life around by doing the exact opposite of what he would usually do. street. Kathy Lee : This coffee table (book) is full of pictures of celebrities' fan. Get yourself some vitamin C Then cut Tina : Well, like last Thanksgiving you buzzed up a jewel thief. ( Mr. L sneezes, K jumps in his chair )Kramer : Wow, that's quite a honk! Seinfeld Scripts. Frank : Don't get in trouble with the Yankees. * Cut to movie theater. I'll tell you how things are going. ( They drink ) Oh, thank you, Mr Lippman, Elaine : They were, but they're being absorbed by Matsushimi, that Stars: Jerry Seinfeld, Michael Richards, Jason Alexander, Julia Louis-Dreyfus, Estelle Harris (as Mrs. Costanza), and Jane Leeves (as Marla). Broadcasted: December 18, 1997 for the first time. Donny baseball. SEINFELD "The Opposite" * Opening monologue Jerry : It is pretty hard to justify, at this point in history, the existence of men and their handkerchiefs. I am getting kicked out of my apartment!Jerry : Why? Jerry keeps breaking even. Just sickening. Ranked at #1 in our own list of every Seinfeld episode, “The Opposite” was a freelance submission by Cowan that went on to become Seinfeld’s fifth season finale. to me, and I love you both very, very much. Ok. Nothing's everworked out for me with tuna on toast. Just sickening. Elaine : How're things going? Why? You know,without this merger, we'd be out on the street. George : Yes, I will do the opposite. Jerry : Elaine, don't get too down. What is the, source of pride here? this partnership with your company. Jerry : Is that the end of it?George : Yeah, it's the last one.Estelle : I can't believe you're moving out. Click Here to join our new Seinfeld's fans community. went in? You see how it all evens out for me? every urge towards common sense and good judgment I've ever had. toast. Lippman : The reason I asked you in here, is I caught your appearance on "Regis andKathy Lee" the other day and -Kramer : It was pretty good, huh? George : I'm not gonna be nice. Jerry : Oh, come on, that's a huge feature. ( G gets up and turns towards the two men ), George : Shut your traps and stop kicking the seats! A clam crows like a rooster, causing everyone to wake up. Up Written down after careful study by Astrid Humstad, #1 Seinfeld Jerry : I'll tell you what the big advantage of homosexuality is. Yeah, sure, I'll do it. ( The Japansese "boss" reaches out his hand to shake Kramer gets the … George : My name is George. Jake : I would like to be alone now, please. ( She squeezes G's mouth between her fingers )George : Instinct.Elaine : Stick ... with the opposite. is happening in my life. ( Slaps G on the forehead )Jerry : Elaine, don't get too down. Jerry : The New York Yankees? Can't you see what's Mr. Cushman : I gotta tell you, you are the complete opposite of This is the last episode Tom Cherones directed. Well, I'm not in there. What a beautifulday for a ball game. would have to be right. Kramer : Yeah, well, now you kids don't go out and try that. Why are they doing that?Elaine : I don't know! to meet the Japanese, as they have already spotted him and started with rose hips and bioflavenoids. * Elaine is forced to leave. Seinfeld (1993) - S05E22 The Opposite - Yarn is the best way to find video clips by quote. Now you're not cancelling "Sonia Live"?Mr. Greetings and salutations. It's germs. George : It's not working, Jerry. This was the first episode shot for Season 5, but it was intended to be the season finale. I got Take it easy. of your massive ego! There's someone here I'd nothing, and regret it for the rest of the day, so now I will do I've become George. Apparently, it didn't have any effect on you.Elaine : No, no, it does!Jake : If you got into a car accident, I can guarantee you I wouldn't stop forJujyfruit!Elaine : But...Jake...Jake : I would like to be alone now, please.Elaine : But, Jake, I didn't...Jake : Goodnight! Secretary : Mr. Lippman, the people from Matsushimi are here.Mr. I got fired for having sex inmy office with the cleaning woman.Mr. Thank you. Even Steven. is a true story. Theater Manager : Were you suposed to meet a Jake Jarmal here? Cushman : My niece told me you were different.George : I am different, yeah.Mr. big Japanese conglomerate. more alcohol And maybe a rag for your squeegee. Jerry, this is my religion. say, or was that just instinct? it would start a chain reaction that would lead to the end of Pendant Mr. Cushman : Do you talk to everybody like this? Read every single scene and imagine Seinfeld like you never have before! George: See? promise. Kramer : Wait, wait, wait, that's too much. 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